break'n the law

this superhappy yellowkids's reasons for calling 9-11

1. while teaching ESL part time in the evening, a homeless transient found his way into a fellow teacher's night class next door and refused to leave. we called 9-11 and eventually baited him out of the room with a half-eaten bag of salt water taffy. he then camped himself outside, shoveled in taffy and called me a korean nazi. the police never showed-up.

2. i was taking a leisurely walk in our over-priced, trendy austin neighborhood, and i came across a turkey running around and screaming it's head off in the parking lot of a neglected computer repair shop. an other neighbor was trying to keep the turkey from running into traffic and causing an accident. we called 9-11. no cops. no dice.

3. reba and i were leaving a mexican restaurant in houston with her cousins. we said our 'good-byes' and were about to leave when a silver pick-up smashed through two parked cars in reverse. a woman then yelled, 'get the license plate number! GET THE LICENSE PLATE NUMBER!' as the car in question skidded itself just inches from our own car, i leaned over, squinted, and shouted out the 6-digit texas plate. for the first time i felt useful in an emergency. usually i end-up running around in circles.

continuing with this trend, i pulled out my newly minted cell phone and dialed 9-11. just then the 'perp' (as they say on 'law and order' TV land) came burning back into the park lot and stopped AGAIN inches from our hero. this time he sat there staring reba and me down. in the background i can faintly hear people screaming, 'GET IN THE CAR!'

yet i continued to dial and wait for the operator. i had the urge to say, 'hi' or 'what's up?' once i connected to 9-11, he sped away a second time. i spent a few minutes trying to describe the scene when the call was dropped. i'm again placed in the category as useless.